Putting a New Spin on Being Homeless
I’m thinking of moving into my car. Bear with me. This is not a joke. In fact, it’s right in step with the current running theme of my life, which is obsessing about money and ridding my life of roughly $7,000 worth of credit card debt. Let me break it down for you.
About two days ago, I started to think about the quality time I am spending in my very expensive Ocean Beach apartment. Yes, I love my view of the Pacific three-quarters of a mile away, as seen from 2-square feet of balcony. But when I did the broke-ass math that has led me to this place of broke-assy-ness, tossing out $687.50 in rent every month just doesn’t make sense. Chuck in another $115 in bills, and I’m headed for Homeless City, U.S.A.
Then, I started to think about the actual quality time I am spending in my apartment doing anything other than sleeping. Perhaps, I thought, even if the time I spend in my apartment is minimal, it was worth the expense of rent. But it turns out I’m paying for like 2 hours of consciousness per day — Most of which is directed at ancient episodes of House and The Daily Show (if I can even stay conscious till then).
As truly devoted as I am to both Hugh Laurie and my mantasy, Jon Stewart, it did not escape my attention that both my dollars and my time are being disproportionately spent on them — Time and dollars I could be spending on… oh, I don’t know — Writing my novel, or working on my highly neglected blog, or buying REAL baby carrots, or just maybe, time with like… actual humans. Not that I really know any…
Which brings me to the solution: Homelessness. Originally, I considered moving into a storage unit. However, that plan got a quick kibosh after I was told that exact scenario was attempted by Kramer in an episode of Seinfeld… With rather unsavory results. Instead, I decided I will become the gypsy I was always meant to be, resting when I’m tired, waking with the sunrise, master of the road, with all the real earthly posessions I have nestled rather cheaply in a $70-per-month storage unit. As a moderately attractive 26-year-old chick with a vested interest in both contributing to society and personal hygiene, I think I could bring an element of sexiness to this vagrant lifestyle. Moving into your car may just be the next “en vogue” thing to do. I don’t have to tell anyone that these are desperate economic times… Why not have an adventure while we’re eating canned beans and stale bread? Plus, it totally worked for Jewel’s career.
I realize there are some tiny speedbumps on my runaway train to financial freedom. First, let’s talk logistics.
Sleeping Space: Unfortunately, we’re not talking about an Econoline van with a foldout bed in the back. My ride is a Ford Escort Sport and sleeping will require me to pull down both back seats so that I’m half curled in the trunk. Today during my lunch hour, I actually tried this. Other than the awkward stare I got as I wiggled out of my trunk in a parking lot, the whole experience was rather nice. I even had a little room to roll. There was minimal room, however, for additional persons to snuggle in. Sorry Man-friend.
Maintaining my Cleanliness: I enjoy the occasional shower as much as the next person. My cheapo gym membership should suffice for both workouts AND maintaining personal hygiene. Although I will be homeless, I will not be a dirty bum. There’s a DIFFERENCE.
Food: Any microwaveable food can be cooked at work. After 5:30 p.m. when they kick us out of the office, I’m on my own though, meaning canned or fast food. Tricky, but doable.
Internet Access, Communication, and Other General Concerns: I will be plugging in my cell phone and ipod at work, and maybe getting a re-chargeable flashlight. I figure I’ll change out the clothes from my storage unit every couple days, and hit the laundromat once a week for clean duds.
Frankly, to me, it actually sounds not only doable, but easy. Perhaps I am on to something. I can see an entire movement of people, taking to their cars full time, just for the sheer joy of a (very literal) cheap thrill.
Now, I just have to wait till the lease on my apartment is up… Which is just a hair over five months from now.
One of the biggest obstacles of those who live in their car is finding somewhere to park it. Few people and even fewer businesses want a homeless person sleeping out front. It’s also illegal in most areas to live in your car, so police attention should be a concern as well.
- Schev
I just stopped by your blog and thought I would say hello. I like your site design. Looking forward to reading more down the road.
[...] to get a little creative with their money-saving tactics. I myself am no exception. [Hence the moving into my car, which at the time was mostly a joke yet is gaining feasibility by the minute.] Here are the top 5 [...]
Five Absurd Things I’m Doing to Save My Ass in This Economy « Stories from the Road said this on January 28, 2009 at 6:08 am |
[...] to get a little creative with their money-saving tactics. I myself am no exception. [Hence the moving into my car, which at the time was mostly a joke yet is gaining feasibility by the minute.] Here are the top 5 [...]
Five Absurd Things I’m Doing to Save My Ass in This Economy | Tvn24h said this on January 28, 2009 at 6:50 am |